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the vigorous vorticity of vigorish

werdz sux

maybe i'll post actual content, like pokar handz!

PokerStars Hand #139872086784: Hold'em No Limit ($0.02/$0.05 USD) - 2015/08/25 6:48:37 ET
Table 'Olshaniya' 6-max Seat #1 is the button
Seat 1: sawseech ($8.05 in chips)
Seat 2: raj3k ($9.44 in chips)
Seat 4: ianfox555 ($6.21 in chips)
Seat 5: xepypr22 ($5.39 in chips)
Seat 6: DaronPatron) ($5.90 in chips)
raj3k: posts small blind $0.02
ianfox555: posts big blind $0.05
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to sawseech [Th 7h]
xepypr22: folds
DaronPatron): raises $0.10 to $0.15
sawseech: raises $0.37 to $0.52
raj3k: folds
ianfox555: folds
DaronPatron): calls $0.37
*** FLOP *** [Ah 5d 4s]
DaronPatron): checks
AchtVier00 joins the table at seat #3
sawseech: bets $0.60
DaronPatron): calls $0.60
*** TURN *** [Ah 5d 4s] [2h]
DaronPatron): checks
sawseech: checks
*** RIVER *** [Ah 5d 4s 2h] [6s]
DaronPatron): bets $1.15
sawseech: raises $5.78 to $6.93 and is all-in
DaronPatron): folds
Uncalled bet ($5.78) returned to sawseech
sawseech collected $4.42 from pot
sawseech: doesn't show hand
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $4.61 | Rake $0.19
Board [Ah 5d 4s 2h 6s]
Seat 1: sawseech (button) collected ($4.42)
Seat 2: raj3k (small blind) folded before Flop
Seat 4: ianfox555 (big blind) folded before Flop
Seat 5: xepypr22 folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 6: DaronPatron) folded on the River

PokerStars Hand #139873317906: Hold'em No Limit ($0.02/$0.05 USD) - 2015/08/25 7:31:36 ET
Table 'Amalasuntha II' 6-max Seat #3 is the button
Seat 1: AnatoliiF ($5.60 in chips)
Seat 2: Tragladit987 ($5.57 in chips)
Seat 3: Dancho911 ($5.88 in chips)
Seat 6: sawseech ($5.61 in chips)
PERITTA will be allowed to play after the button
sawseech: posts small blind $0.02
AnatoliiF: posts big blind $0.05
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to sawseech [6d 6h]
Tragladit987: raises $0.10 to $0.15
Dancho911: calls $0.15
sawseech: calls $0.13
AnatoliiF: folds
*** FLOP *** [8c 2d 4c]
sawseech: bets $0.30
Tragladit987: folds
Dancho911: calls $0.30
*** TURN *** [8c 2d 4c] [Td]
sawseech: bets $0.70
Dancho911: calls $0.70
*** RIVER *** [8c 2d 4c Td] [Jh]
sawseech: checks
Dancho911: bets $1.20
sawseech: raises $3.26 to $4.46 and is all-in
Dancho911: calls $3.26
*** SHOW DOWN ***
sawseech: shows [6d 6h] (a pair of Sixes)
Dancho911: shows [Th Ah] (a pair of Tens)
Dancho911 collected $10.95 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $11.42 | Rake $0.47
Board [8c 2d 4c Td Jh]
Seat 1: AnatoliiF (big blind) folded before Flop
Seat 2: Tragladit987 folded on the Flop
Seat 3: Dancho911 (button) showed [Th Ah] and won ($10.95) with a pair of Tens
Seat 6: sawseech (small blind) showed [6d 6h] and lost with a pair of Sixes

On 6max NLHE 100x
The nice thing about poker is that everybody sucks. Like, Phil Jackson wrote in the book with the white cover that, well, his words were to the effect of that the game was so hard that if you were doing the correct thing more than half of the time you were doing well. He also spoke of trying to not match the intensity of the opponent but to well, sort of run OODA loops like the fighter jets do or limit unforced errors/control the tempo/don't rush me sort of shit. Meaning fast but unhurried. Aggressive, but under control. Know where your dudes are and what they're doing and make snap decisions. Like, the bulls teams, they didn't really talk on defense. Like, if you're talking and thinking, that shit, that conscious shit, it just fucks up your shit. Tom cruise as Mav said, "You think and you're dead." Well, it's true. Thinking in counter strike sucks. Thinking in basketball sucks. Thinking in poker sucks. Sure, you do it when you have time and everyone good thinks on both their own and their opponent's time, like Jordan going into his rolodex of moves and going, yeah, this while probably his whole team just knows he's gonna do that shit and maybe his opponent as well, and, well Jordan had a way of doing it so well that it would just work anyways. Plus, if you take too long with a bluff the value of it goes down. Speed is good.

Sort of how it is in poker. Like, you can know a nigga is bluffing not the absolute bottom of his range but def his not calls and some could calls and also value betting the appropriate ...

Yeah. Huge unmapped strategy space esp. with regards to bet sizing. Huge variability in players ...

Writing is idiotic why do I even do this shit it's just known.

The reason why when you see these winrates posts with like 2 guys known to be over 3bb/100 with everyone else clustered between 0 and 1 is because those 2 guys are, well, for the sake of this 30 bets better every 1k hands. That's nothing. If you can't find a way to manufacture the coups necessary to do that, to be merely 30 bets better over 1k hands then, well, I would say that you lack fucking imagination and fighting spirit cuz my problem, probably forever, is that I'm always looking to jack a pot off a mook and it's not about finding good spots to bluff in theory but more saying, no, no no nononononononononoonnnono over and over and then saying yes not every time that it's there, but when it's just yes.

But the way that you get there is to say yes way the fuck too often to the point where it's drilled into your skull and then, well, maybe here and you make a probably not bluff and get feedback and the general premise of information gathering play vis a vis practice is to just take chances and see what happens. Back when people would just quietly muck their hands you would need to guess what they'd called with but in online poker you just open the IHH and it's right there and with enough information gathering, of playing across the line, it's the only way to play not on the line but dancing all over it and constantly being on the verge of pushing too hard, of playing too open, of attacking too frequently.

Like, this cat, he r/c'd in position with 54s. Board came down acceptably for him for this hand, he had bot ups. I fired off 3x giving nothing away with timings. He called off comfortably. I didn't get it until I noted that I was listening to Pusha T while 3betting 1/5th of hands or close and that I was also too fucking cool, that I hadn't demonstrated to his mind enough recognition, enough respect for his flop call while on turn. Either that or he was just a big fucking fish. Probably both. Anyhoo.

I'm rebuilding this part of my game and I'm getting better with every hand with every piece of feedback I recieve and if there's anything that I know how to do it's how to beat a "good" player. The only problem is that, like, a good 1/2 NLHE player today is like, better than a 10/20 player used to be and so I need to like, get back to not the player that I was back when I was playing 5/10 (blinds) but heavily exceed that while carrying a diagnosis and managing something that's alot bigger than poker skill as I carry worlds of novels within me which don't sleep along with quieter darker deeper urges that threaten to unravel me.

It's alot to do and I find that I have not nearly enough hours and with my bodyclock being just wherever it is on any given days it leads to times like this when I'm spent as a player but I have somewhere that I need to be tomorrow and if I slept I'd probably sleep through the alarm and so here I am at Oh Dark Thirty -- Not zero you fucking ape Oh -- writing this shit that I'm satisfied people read given the feedback I've received but at what point do I just become that guy who writes shit that more closely resembles a crazy man screaming out his latent fury at the world in fantastically long sentences. That's a good thing for me to ask myself as I write yet another non-declarative sentence. Waste of space.

Maybe I'm just a fucking waste of space and I'll never get this together and I'll end up like homey only I won't be lying about having written 21 books because maybe I'll become just another rakeback pro clearing like 25-60 rax because maybe the shit is just that mapped out between these guys but, still, probably not and the only reason why cats aren't clearing 10bb/100 anymore is straight suckage, that they lack that thing that would make them cash out and go and do something else with their time, maybe DFS, maybe getting a house selling certificate or move cars or bet horses or run pyramid schemes or get a fucking job or whatever the fuck.

Iunno. Hopefully I can get up there and just fucking feel them and see what's there. I probably won't feel much but neither will they and if I do it right they'll feel just nothing from me as I laugh to the bank with this.

Ha ha haha. Laughin to the bank with this.
HA ha ahhahaa yeah.

it's a 50 ref you fucking

PoE: 2.0 (The awakening)
This is a bitch post made by me (a fucking bitch) whining about what they've done to my dude, a life melee char.

In 1.1 my dude was good. I played an IR/RT build, stacking basically all of the life available. It worked because of the mechanics of how the blender build worked. The idea was to use a large life pool + leech (20% of maximum life) + LGoH + block + resists + endurance charges to straight tank basically anything in the game. Two notables made the build: The armor mastery stone (Increased armor + Crit mitigation) and Elemental adaptation (+2 max resists). It was probably uber viable with near perfect gear and decent play.

In 1.2 the major changes to the build were that EA was removed, Crit mitigation was segregated, most of the +max was functionally removed (could still get +1 fire woohoo) and to cyclone. The cyclone nerf was enormous to the entent that you could no longer play as I did in 1.1, in a facetanking style in that the hits/second were crippled, meaning less LGoH, which along with the mitigation nerfs meant that your dude straight couldn't do Crema or Palace aggressively. I went to a leech build in response.

I played the leech/acro/IC build in 1.3 and was underwhelmed. My char died alot and it would be to stupid things like killing myself to reflect or not hitting a resist pot before a corpse explosion. My progress stalled and I hated playing the game, bearing the memory of what I'd had before and so I chilled and waiting for the awakening alias patch 2.0.

2.0 is shit. They're straight taken leech out of the game (2% of maximum life/target at default) and the tree is not only not better from the duelist start but considerably worse. Like, with perfect play my 1.3 build worked in principle but the actual execution of playing to a consistently high standard was tiresome. Now, like, say I have a Gale Bane, a legacy taker, and everything else. Well, that's endgame viable but you have to go and get VP way up and to the right of the start and just, like, go IR, wear atziri's step, and like, maybe still skip crema or palace. It's just ridiculous. Like, it's nothing new to nerf a build or two but they took what I had in 1.3 which wasn't even that good and straight taken it out of the game. It's like the devs are trying to take every strong build out of the game and reduce the population to like those level 85-reroll faggots using their faggot build of the patch as they post on reddit about how good they are at the fucking game. Like, I've played endgame, I've spent game resources on a map pool and getting merely very good gear (arguably godly gear from most perspectives) and now, what, I'm supposed to just fucking farm game resources on lowish maps and like it? Farmers. What GGG wants so far as I can tell is to reduce the entire playing population to a bunch of game currency hunting farming faggots.

And it's bullshit. Rather than rearrange things or add things to the tree GGG, like blizzard, has simply taken all of those things that are arbitarily good and just removed them from the game. Even Fyndel's build got crippled to nothingness, it's less then half as good as it was before and sure, it can still do all the content, but GGG seems to regard the endgame build, the target build, that fucking brass ring up on the ceiling a player strives for, hopes for, grinds for and to reduce it to shit and spit on the player and say, no, you aren't allowed to have nice things and do endgame content and push and strive for a better char because we're going to go into your stash and change the leech values on your gear and change a mechanic that's been around for years just because.

Spanked. The devs have left me feeling spanked and all I did was what was available on the tree and as far as I know I'm the only blender to do atziri, at least in the thread and I just wish I'd farmed harder, been smarter with my exalts and bought that Gale Bane when it was 110exa and just fucking did Uber so I could leave the game at peace with myself over the time spent as I cannot do now for I cannot say that I did the whole game.

Fuck act four, it's shit, a fucking joke. Run along this path doubling back a few times after you beat easy as shit bosses with primitive mechanics. Oh joy. Everything in the act is in straight lines and the malachai fight is an abomination. Ooh, kill that thing to hit this thing. Do you have maxed resists and enough life? Probably not if you're a new player. Welcome to POE where you progress and then get stomped into the ground by the devs but, hey, you can farm for that unique jewel and maybe work up to a soul taker. Yeah.

398 phys
legacy bringer
sick jewelry
absurd belt

Don't feel safe doing crema or palace or even orchard maybe. If that's endgame in the view of the devs and the appropriate way for me to be playing the game, a top 500 something standard player with alot of time logged and having put my currency into items, well, then I choose to end the game.

Oh, and if you think this is something ax Gelig Mortenson (sp) the fuck he thinks. Only melee in the world to do the entire game with top of the world gear and he probably can't find a way to do normal atziri now. LOL.


(no subject)
Props to blizz for figuring out that zerg is out of control in LoTV. Now how about you fucking try worker parity and rebalance the game properly? Like, it's so fucking stupid. Z gets 5 workers for your 3 with no effort and built in static. Like, there's nothing correct here with Z lategame being what it is. You've gated protoss stargate so they can't even play a control-based strategy anymore and, again, z has built in static which leads into, what, long games against hive tech? Z is unkillable, has attacking options aplenty, and the best lategame and 5 workers for your 3. It's zergcraft. Get your heads out of your asses, revert the ghost nerfs, go to worker parity with no macro mechanics and rebalance the game. It's easy. Oh, and T has the best ranged units so it should win in the lategame. Ultras are a joke, vipers are a joke, ravagers are a joke and the lurker is the most broken shit ever but Z already so good none of your balancers even use it. Congrats. I'm still not buying it and I expect that alot of people won't either as the pros all go do other things except for those on proteams with salaries to play this shit halfassed imitation of BW.

Like, you fucking make roaches which threatens burrow. Ravagers and lurkers are right there so you pick one and then you go to lategame basically for free cuz the only thing better than a great attacking unit is a great attacking unit played defensively. Get hive. Make hive units and win game. Seriously, how long have you been planning the shit for and you give us, the RTS community, this aborted travesty? It's worse than infestorcraft and far more boring.

(no subject)
I don't need to prove shit to anybody. To myself, that's another story. Like, I got this thing in process. To know that I can do just by the characters and have it live and breathe. To just know that would be nice and it's probably something that I need to do, if for no other reason than knowing that it's an out or for, just, getting the shit off my mind. I'm not even talking about publishing cuz like, then, what if I blow up? I just want this poker shit to get right and then once I'm sitting on 30 rax again and got a stable income with the debts paid and like, new loafers and a few suits and new etymotics and like transportation, not even talking a genesis, just fucking transportation (would get pulled over less for sure) then like, alright, novels. A nice place to live wouldn't hurt either, something with a weightroom or maybe a loft once my money gets really right. That's the idea anyways. Everyone has all these nice ideas. Everyone's trying to right the "next great" novel. Well, niggas, no idea's original and it's more about the execution of an idea, well, at the top level then about your precious idea. But, then again, ain't nobody wrote a book on being an RTS player. Nobody's done the hip hop scene any justice properly, mostly because the work already out there stands on it's own and destroys, just rapes the shit out of anything a scrivener could do. And then there's the sociopath book, with a stupid ending. And there's the book about the life that I imagine a girl I knew having and how she feels about it. And this and that and maybe if I don't fucking get to it -- that is to stay manage to remain reasonably healthy psychologicall -- then I end up like that guy in the ER who was telling the ER doc that he'd written 21 books as the doc smiles and nods and orders a cat scan for a perfectly healthy motherfucker who's just woken up and realized that he's old and broke and has nothing to show for his life as a motherfucker having a bad day takes the shit in and wonders how in the fuck whatever end post.

top 30 in the world talent
One thing I often ask myself is how, if I'm so fucking intelligent, then why can't I just get into the cockpit of myself and run myself up another roll.

Well, the first thing that I lack is humility. It's the same way I play the T side of dust 2. I just have no fucking respect for those long rifles and early pushers on the CT side. My general strategy is to get big early and work as the entry at the time and place of my choosing, going hard and fast and loose and scrimmy.

Something that comes to mind is like, trying to know, not map, but know the spurs offensive struct. Like, complicated like that.

The thing about playing this way, with complicated structures is that there's often a ton going on be it on the server or in the hand -talking poker here but not-, so many little variations that can emerge seemingly of their own accord that it defies calculation. It's like headshotting a guy with an AK. You don't calculate consciously how to shoot this guy's head off. You just move your left and right hands the proper way by feel and then it shoots, not you but it, and if you felt the right things and did the right things, his head just comes off.

Playing poker well is sort of like that but almost entirely not. For starters, physically disabled people play poker just fine. Me, I come from a Broodwar background, so I'm just used to being fast. It's inculcated into me to just do things quickly. And I can feel my form coming back a hand at a time at the tables as I relearn, remap all of these variations back into me to be worked upon subconsciously. Like, having that ace fall and just knowing that this guy's put that loose bet out there and that this shit in the middle, it's mine and then just pulling the trigger. Or knowing that we're both lost here but it's a credible scare for my range against his range here and that he really can't call this, my defense range is sufficiently tight, even though we're both lost in the spot I just see the bet and execute it.

There's also the fact that poker is an absolute shit game in that, well, if you were better than someone at BW by a large enough amount you just cut corners on him and put him at 0% without a fight having occured at which point if he never allins you, you just win every game. Especially where strategies are limited, in like a mirror matchup. In poker, say I become that top 30 in the world cat, well, if I execute my structured offense and defense correctly and I'm playing against the guys that I not want to play against but should be playing against, well, the fucking turn. The fucking river. Preflop play. Flop play. Big fucking calculations and also style and even allin play. It's fucking huge, ok? Nevermind PLO. We haven't even mapped out integrated overbetting yet. Yeah, the bots are coming but they're slow and, my guess, they'll never solve anything bigger than a 20 bet struct.

Speed helps. Being able to feel things and calculate them quickly on the spot, it's just nice to have. Rek was faster than me, but more bio than brains. Like, the brain is a lightspeed probably quantum computer in my view and my brain as a function of how it operates, it's already marvellously well connected in way more respects than most other people because, well, most other people don't hear voices and like, negotiate with their nemesis/darkness/id/spider brain/reticular process and what comes with that is, well, scroll down. And, even then, there are people who live their lives that that all day and for whom the pleasure of fucking is not their own but rather then pleasure that they can give to another fucking human being and there's nothing wrong with these checked shirt wearing not a hair out of place network admining motherfuckers, one of whom, well, the shit blew back onto me and hopefully it's over soon but these other motherfuckers, well, they're dragging their feet and I hope the shit goes away nex time I'm in court but whatever.

Phew. Eat a dick and die.

(no subject)
1st person shit doesn't sell and it's arbitrarily worse and it dances all over the line dividing me from the real vs the imagined and it would need to borrow heavily from the bionic man and the life that I imagine another friend of me has, hell, maybe I'll write about a dude who did sum tours of duty and then came out here and became a hitter as his mind tore itself apart.

Oh, wait, it's been done and it's called Collateral.

Later, and in 3rd. There's this nice big mountain in front of me and I've already started climbing out and a nip's hours are precious.

Oh, and 55g actuation way better for typing.

(no subject)
the idea is to twist and pull and torque and shape
the meat of me into something better
something not so fucking sensitive
but rather tough and hardy
like the weeds that i don't pull
god's creatures they be
and why exert the effort
they beautify the view at least
whenever i take the seat left by Shamir
sometimes i'm twisted and torqued into
an irregular shape
soulsucking away and at the fags too i suck
both seeking out contact and evading it
lest i suck too hard at something and break a tooth
oh what's this now?
my shadows wink at me in the dark
i maneuver them into the darker shadows
bringing a resoluteness to them
and then i twist myself about
and confront the other
they speak to me not tonight
and my consort, the imagined you
is good and chill in her seat
with her hands on her lap curled
into little fists
why oh why

The thing about being as dynamically unstable as I am is that I never know how long a good run of form is going to last for. Take counter-strike, for instance. I have 580 hours logged on CS on this computer and on the main server that I play on I'm ranked #125 out of 57811. That's decent. Like, for me, just playing a hard game and working the process of gettin gud, there's alot of value in that for me. Back in WoL I was ranked in the 500s globally before the introduction of GM league and had I kept playing with the same level of intensity upon the release of HoTS (a large downgrade in my eyes) I have no doubt that I would have been able to make GM and hold a world ranking at least top 1k. But, here's the thing about both these tasks and my time spending them: I'm basically wasting my fucking time doing them.

Like, being 500th in the world on a fucking ladder ranking of all things, it doesn't mean shit. Tournaments are all that matter to real players and I just don't get any tournament run anymore. I'm not talking about poker tournaments by the way. For most of the endgame in those you're running 30 bets or less and you're mainly just looking at your hand and the situation and often the situation is primitive. I'm talking about winning fox's ladder way back when I was playing BW and getting that game against mantra from a close to no-win spot and then winning that tournament and then getting a game vs Grrrr... on west and taking that too and just, well, after you've taken a game from the world champion, that just fed unto itself and led to me being in the 1k games on party back when we were the one eyed kings in the land of the blind and just feasting.

But then I got rear ended and couldn't move or sleep for 6 months until I got acupuncture which magically healed my shit and even now, as I write this, I can feel the ulnar nerve in my left hand tingling and both my feet feel like they are on fire. I don't blame god for setting the events in motion that lead to that spot from which I've never been the same (you could argue that with time and experience I'm better than I've ever been) but I definitely damn him for taking what could have been legit stardom and replacing it with, well, fear.

I didn't really know fear before the car accident. Yeah, sure, there was mild panic back when I accidentally set a fire in our basement apartment (smoking indoors is a big no-no) and, sure, I was the type to get stage fright but actual fear? There's something in your guts when you've stamped into a hard stop and then you see a ton of steel bearing down on you and it's just coming into your world way too fucking fast. It changes you and makes you look both ways as you cross the street and then again and when it's raining you wonder if a bolt of lightning is going to come down and leave you with Doc Mccoy hair. I'm just different since then and the biggest change in me is the propensity for me to slide between not only a range of states but a very large range of states.

Let me take you back to right around when I went broke on stars. This was my second time going broke overall by the way. Naw, I won't do that. Let's just say it's like La Vita Nuova in hell. Y'know, the imagery but, like, to the Nth grotesque as I don't sleep and I've deprived myself of all of my supports (ADD meds, weed, something else too but I forget).

I'm just doing this to drag you into the subject matter of the post which is my missed calling in life. I think that I'm supposed to be working a lab with rats and trying to find solves for conditions. Y'know, if I'd just gone into the military at seventeen as I wanted to then right about now I'd have nuff rax to just go to med school and I'd do, well, pretty alright, just a real nigga with combatex who's seen into the darkness of himself and, yeah, a nigga blinked but he stepped out of it and then came to master it, as I have done and now, well, PhD as my brother also is working on and then straight into research and maybe working talk therapy on the side.

I think I would have been absolutely sick at it. Maybe just straight talk therapy while slinging drugs. On drugs, btw, like, take this fucking Olanzapine that they've prescribed me. 20 mikes of it and just what that does to a human being. I don't fucking understand even something like heroin being a legal issue. Like, all these transactions, they're like fucking consensual nomsain? Woteva.

(no subject)
I missed my calling in life.